I may not be human, but I am a man
by TeamEdward1
Summary: Twilight Chapter 14, Edward pov Before I knew it she was asleep, and I stayed put, still quietly humming her lullaby, perfectly content. I was just happy that, finally, I could be close to Bella. Want me to continue then tell me.


Twilight - Chapter 14, Edward p.o.v

AN. My second FanFic :D hope you like it... Review please.

MIND OVER MATTER

I looked out towards the setting sun, then to Bella, and after, to our hands twined together on the seat. It felt amazing, the heat of her skin, it felt like I was an electric current bursting through my veins, bringing the man to life, and beating the monster to death.

I turned the radio to an oldies station, I liked the song that was playing, it was catchy so I sand along.

"You like fifties music?" Bella asked.

"Music in the fifties was good. Much better than the sixties, or the seventies, ugh!" I shuddered. How I got through that, I don't know. "The eighties were bearable."

"Are you ever going to tell me how old you are?" She asked, tentative.

"Does it matter much?" I smiled.

"No, but I still wonder..." She grimaced. "There's nothing like an unsolved mystery to keep you up at night."

"I wonder if it will upset you," I gazed into the sun. How would she take knowing I was 104-year-old vampire?

"Try me." She said after some time.

I sighed, and then looked her into the eye, forgetting the road. Bella looked so interested, it wasn't right. Bella and I loving each other weren't right, but I couldn't leave her. I looked of into the sun and spoke.

"I was born in Chicago in 1901," I paused, looking at Bella. She looked unsurprised, and was waiting for more information. I smiled and continued, "Carlisle found me in a hospital in the summer of 1918. I was seventeen, and dying from the Spanish influenza."

I heard her intake of breath, not sure if she'd even heard it herself. I looked into her eyes again.

"I don't remember it well - it was a very long time ago and human memories fade." I thought quickly, Bella shouldn't know about the vampire transformation just yet, it's not something she needs to know. "I do remember how I felt when Carlisle saved me. It's not an easy thing, not something you could forget." And it wasn't. It felt like someone had hammered you to the ground with nails, and placed fire over every inch of your body, slowly, until it reached your heart. And you couldn't get out off it at all; it was like a massive black block was being placed over you. Until your strength would come back, then you had to put up with an eternity of being thirsty. This was defiantly something Bella didn't need to know at the minuet.

"Your parents?" She said.

"They had already dies from the disease. I was alone. That was why he chose me. In all the chaos of the epidemic, no one would ever realize I was gone."

"How did he... save you?"

I tried to avoid saying it exactly so I cut it short and made it more about what Carlisle had to do.

"It was difficult. Not many of us have the restraint necessary to accomplish it. But Carlisle has always been the most humane, the most compassionate of us... I don't think you could find his equal throughout all of history." I paused, now about what I went though. "For me, it was merely very, very painful."

I closed my mouth that was more than enough information.

"He acted from loneliness. That's usually the reason behind the choice. I was the first in Carlisle's family, though he found Esme soon after. She fell from a cliff. They brought her straight to the hospital morgue, though, somehow, her heart was still beating."

"So you must be dying, then, to become..." She trailed of, unable to say it.

"No, that's just Carlisle. He would never do that to someone who had another choice." One of my reasons Bella shouldn't be turned into a vampire, she could do much better. "It is easier he says, though, if the blood is weak." I looked out towards the now-dark road. Wanting this subject to end.

"And Emmett and Rosalie?" She asked.

"Carlisle brought Rosalie to our family next. I didn't realize till much later that he was hoping she would be to me what Esme was to him - he was careful with he thoughts around me." I rolled my eyes. "But she was never more than a sister. It was only two years later that she found Emmett. She was hunting - we were in Appalachia at the time - and found a bear about to finish his off. She carried him back to Carlisle, more than a hundred miles, afraid she wouldn't be able to do it herself. I'm only beginning top guess how difficult that journey was for her." I threw a pointed glance in Bella's direction, raising our hands, to brush her cheek with the back of my hand.

"But she made it." Bella encouraged, looking away from my eyes.

"Yes," I murmured. "She saw something in his face that made her strong enough. And they've been together ever since. Sometimes they live separately from us, as a married couple. But the younger we pretend to be, the longer we can live in any given place. Forks seemed perfect, so we all enrolled in high school." I laughed. "I suppose we'll have to go to their wedding in a few years, again." I groaned in my head, Rosalie loves extravagant weddings, a big ceremony, with 7 vampires. And Emmett thinking about the wedding night.

Bella pulled me from my thoughts. "Alice and Jasper?"

"Alice and Jasper are two very rare creatures. They both developed a conscience, as we refer to it, with no outside guidance. Jasper belonged to another... family, a very different kind of family. He became depressed, and he wandered on his own. Alice found him. Like me, she has certain gifts above and beyond the norm for out kind." I remembered mine and Alice's 'mind' conversation we had, the first day Bella stared Forks High School, about how Jasper was coping.

"Really?" She interrupted, fascinated. "But you said you were the only one who could hear people's thoughts."

"That's true, she knows other things, she sees things- things that might happen, things that are coming. But it's very subjective. The future isn't set in stone. Things change." I set my jaw, my eyes darted to Bella's face and back, not sure if she'd noticed, remembering that after today Alice's visions defiantly weren't set in stone, because Bella isn't either dead or a vampire.

"What kind of things does she see?"

"She saw Jasper and knew he was looking for her before he knew it himself. She saw Carlisle and out family, and they came together to find us. She's the most sensitive to non-humans. She always sees, for example, when another group of our kind is coming near. And any threat they may pose."

"Are there a lot of... your kind?" She asked surprised.

"No, not many. But most won't settle in any one place. Only those like us, who've given up hunting you people," I looked at her "can live together with humans for any length of time. We've only found one other family like ours, in a small village in Alaska. We lived together for a time, but there was so many of us that we became to noticeable. Those of us who live... differently tend to band together."

"And the others?"

"Normand's, for the most part. We've all lived that way at times. It gets tedious, like anything else. But we run across the others now and then, because most of us prefer the North."

"Why is that?" She asked, as if it wasn't obvious.

By now we were parked in front of Bella's house, and I'd turned off the truck. There was no moon, so it was dark.

"Did you have your eyes open this afternoon?" I teased

"Do you think I could walk down the street in the sunlight without causing traffic accidents? There's a reason why we chose the Olympic Peninsula, one of the most sunless places in the world. It's nice to be able to go outside in the day. You wouldn't believe how tired you can get of nighttime in eighty odd years."

"So that's where the legends came from?" She asked.

"Probably."

"And Alice came from another family, like Jasper."

"No, and that is a mystery. Alice doesn't remember her human life at all. And she doesn't know who created her. She awoke alone. Whoever made her walked away, and none of us understand why, or how, he could. If she hadn't had that other sense, if she hadn't seen Jasper and Carlisle had known that she would someday become one of us, she probably would have turned into a total savage."

I could she still wanted to know more. But, her stomach growled, and I totally forgot about Bella's human needs, how carless of me.

"I'm sorry; I'm keeping you from dinner." I'd also kept her from lunch.

"I'm fine, really."

"I've never spent much time around anyone who eats food. I forget." What a poor excuse, but I wanted to spend more time with Bella.

"I want to stay with you." She said.

"Can't I come in?" I asked, desperate.

"Would you like to?" She asked, making me choose.

"Yes, if it's all right." I closed my door and went around to Bella's to open it for her.

"Very human." She complimented me. I didn't even think of it as a human gesture.

"It's defiantly resurfacing." I said.

I walked besides her, to her front door. She kept peaking at me, but I don't know why.

I reached the door ahead of her and opened it, too. She paused half way though the frame.

"The door was unlocked?"

"No, I used the key from under the eave."

She stepped inside, flicked the porch light on, and turned to look at me with her eyebrows raised. I new what she would ask, so I answered before she could say anything.

"I was curious about you." I answered

"You spied on me?" She was flattered.

I didn't repeat. "What else is there to do at night?"

She let it go and walked down the hall to the kitchen. I got there before her, needing no guide, and sat down in an old-looking chair. There was a moment before she could look away.

She concentrated on getting her dinner, which looked horrible. I could remember when she asked me what I would so if someone dared me to eat, and I took a bite of pizza, it was awful obviously and I had to cough it up later that night.

"How often?" She asked me, not looking at me, casually

"Hmmm?" I didn't know what she meant.

"How often did you come here?" She asked still not turning around.

"I come here almost every night."

She whirled stunned and asked, "Why?"

"You're interesting when you sleep." I spoke matter-of-factly. "You talk."

"No!" She gasped, heat flooded her face, and she gripped the kitchen counter. She looked like she'd been kicked in the gut.

My expression shifted instantly to chargin. "Are you very angry with me?"

"That depends!" She said, breathless.

I waited

"On?" I urged

"What you heard!" She wailed.

Instantly, I went to her side, taking her hands in mine, carefully.

"Don't be upset!" I pleaded. I dropped my face to the level of her eyes, holdin her gaze. She was embarrassed, and tried to look away.

"You miss your mother," I whispered. "You worry about her, and when it rains, the sound makes you restless. You used to talk about home a lot, but it's less often now. Once you said, 'It's too green.'" I laughed softly, hoping, not to offend her further.

"Anything else?" She demanded.

I new what she was getting at, when she had dreamt about me, and said my name. "You did say my name," I admitted.

She sighed in defeat. "A lot?"

"How much do you mean by 'a lot,' exactly?"

"Oh no!" She hung her head.

I pulled her against my chest, softly.

"Don't be self-conscious," I whispered in her ear. "If I could dream at all it would be about you. And I'm not ashamed of it." And I wouldn't be, I would love to be able to dream again. Just to sleep would be good, escape the world.

We both heard tired on the drive, and saw headlights flash though the front windows. She stiffened in my arms.

"Should you father know I'm here?" I asked.

"I'm not sure..." She thought.

"Another time then..."

And I left her.

"Edward!" She hissed.

I laughed and went into her room, lying on her bed, my feet dangling of the end, and my hands behind my head.

The front door opened, and Charlie walked in.

"Bella?" he called

"In here." Bella said. She took her dinner from the microwave and sat at the table while he walked in nosily.

"Can you get me some of that? I'm bushed." He asked.

Bella went to make his dinner, eating hers at the same time. Charlie sat down, and Bella placed his food in front of him and he said, "Thanks."

"How was your day?" Bella asked, rushing.

"Good. The fish were biting... "Got a good load, hope Bells knows way of cooking fish, He thought "how about you? Did you get everything done that you wanted to?"

"Not really - it was too nice out to stay indoors." She said, not telling him the truth. I don't see why Bella can't tell Charlie we were together today.

"It was a nice day," he agreed.

Bella finished her food and had a drink.

She sure is in a rush; I hope she isn't sneaking out! I'd catch her anyway. Although imagining Bella trying to get out of her window, she'd probably break most of her bones and Bella isn't like that anyway, she's still my little girl. She wouldn't even consider it. Charlie thought. This bothered me, because Charlie looks at Bella and see's a little girl. When clearly she isn't.

"In a hurry?" Charlie asked.

"Yeah, I'm tired. I'm going to bed early." She answered.

"You look kinda keyed up," he observed.

"Do I?" Bella answered simply.

"It's Saturday," he mused. Bella didn't answer.

"No plans tonight?" he asked suddenly, not even thinking about it.

"No, Dad, I just want to get some sleep."

"None of the boys in town your type, eh?" He asked suspiciously, but trying to play it cool.

"No, none of the boys have caught my eye yet." She said carefully. I just wish she would tell him. Then Charlie thought about Mike Newton. Ugh! No, he wasn't considering him!

"I thought maybe that Mike Newton... you said he was friendly." Maybe a little bit to friendly.

"He's just a friend, Dad."

"Well, you're too good for them all, anyway. Wait till you get to collage to start looking." He shuddered in his thoughts, I laughed silently.

"Sounds like a good idea to me," She agreed, heading out of the kitchen.

"'Night, honey," He called. I'll check on Bells later just in case. He thought.

"See you in the morning, Dad."

She treaded up the stairs trying to sound tired, unsuccessfully. She opened her door and shut it loud enough for Charlie to hear, and sprinted on he tiptoes to her window. She threw it open and leaned out, scanning everywhere. While I was sat on her bed, very still, watching her.

"Edward?" She whispered.

I laughed quietly "Yes?"

She whirled around, one hand flying to her throat in surprise.

I smiled hugely.

"Oh!" She breathed, and sank to the floor.

"I'm sorry." I pressed my lips together, trying not to laugh.

"Just give me a minute to restart my heart."

I sat up slowly, not to startle her again. I leaned forward, and picked her up by the tops of her arms and placed her on the bed next to me.

"Why don't you sit with me," I suggested, and put my hand on top of hers. "How the heart?"

"You tell me - I'm sure you hear it better than I do." She said, and I laughed, quietly.

We sat there in silence, both listening to Bella's heart slow.

"Can I have a minuet to be human?" She asked.

"Certainly." I gestured with one hand that she should proceed.

"Stay," she said, trying to look severe.

"Yes, ma'am." And turned into a statue on her bed.

She hopped up, grapping some clothes from her floor, and a bag of her desk, and walked towards the door. She left the light off and slipped out, closing the door. She banged the bathroom door loudly, and started brushing her teeth. Then started the shower. Then once she was done there, she got dressed, rubbed her hair quickly. Then bounded down the stairs.

"'Night, Dad."

"'Night, Bella." So maybe she isn't sneaking out, but it won't do any harm to check on her later still. Charlie thought.

Bella went up the stairs quietly and flew into the room, and closed the door tightly.

I hadn't moved, since Bella left. But my lips twitched, trying to smile.

My eyes appraised her, damp hair, and her tatty shirt. I raised an eyebrow. "Nice."

She grimaced.

"No, it looks good on you." And it did, I preferred it to other clothes she had worn, surprisingly.

"Thanks," she whispered, and came back to my side. She crossed her legs and looked at the wooden floor.

"What was all that for?"

"Charlie thinks im sneaking out." She said.

"Oh." I contemplated that. "Why?" I asked, trying to make conversation, even though I new fully well what it was for.

"Apparently, I look a little overexcited."

I lifted her chin, examining her face.

"You look very warm, actually."

I bent my face slowly to hers, laying my cool check against her skin. She held still.

"Mmmmmm..." I breathed.

"It seams to be... much easier for you, now, to be close to me." She said, after a while.

"Does it seam that way to you?" I murmured, gliding my nose to the corner of her jaw. I moved my hand, to brush her hair back, so that my lips could touch the hollow beneath her ear.

"Much, much easier," she said exhaling.

"Hmm."

"So I was wondering..." She began. My fingers tracing her collarbone.

"Yes?" I breathed

"Why is that," he voice shook, "do you think?"

I laughed on her neck, and said "Mind over matter."

She pulled back; as she moved, I froze - and stopped breathing. What did I do?

We stared at each other cautiously for a moment, and my clenched jaw gradually relaxed, and I was puzzled.

"Did I do something wrong?"

"No - the opposite. You're driving me crazy," She explained.

I considered that briefly, and spoke pleased with myself. "Really?" I smiled, triumphant.

"Would you like a round of applause?" Bella asked sarcastically.

I grinned.

"I'm just pleasantly surprised," I clarified. "The last hundred years or so," I teased. "I never imagined anything like this. I didn't believe I would ever find someone I wanted to be with... in another way to my brothers and sisters. And then to find, even though it's all new to me, that I'm good at it... at being with you..." I really did like it, it brought the man out in me and the monster was fading away more and more.

"You're good at everything," She pointed out.

I shrugged, allowing that, because really to humans we were perfect. We laughed in whispers.

"Buy how can it be so easy now?" She pressed. "This afternoon..."

"It's not easy," I sighed, I wish it was. "But this afternoon, I was still... undecided. I am sorry about that; it was unforgivable for me to behave so."

"Not unforgivable," she disagreed.

"Thank you." I smiled. "You see," I continued, looking down, "I wasn't sure if I was strong enough..." I picked up one of her hands and pressed it lightly to my face. "And while there was still that possibility that I might be... overcome" - I breathed in the scent at her wrist - "I was... susceptible. Until I made up my mind that I was strong enough, that there was no possibility at all that I would... that I ever could..." I was struggling for words.

"So there's no possibility now?" She said

"Mind over matter," I repeated, smiling.

"Wow, that was easy," She said.

I threw my head back, laughing.

"Easy for you!" I amended, touching her nose with my finger.

I made my face serious.

"I'm trying," I whispered, my voice pained. "If it gets to be... to much, I'm fairly sure I'll be able to leave."

She scowled.

"And it will be harder tomorrow, I've had the scent of you in my head all day, and I've grown amazingly desensitized. If I'm away from you for any length of time, I'll have to start again. Not quite from scratch, though, I think."

"Don't go away, then," Bella responded, with longing in her voice.

"That suits me," I replied, smiling. "Bring on the shackles - I'm your prisoner." But instead my hands formed manacles around Bella's wrists, while I spoke. I laughed. I noticed that I'd laughed so much today and Bella also seemed to notice.

"You seen more... optimistic than usual, I haven't seen you like this before."

"Isn't it supposed to be like this? The glory of first love, and all that. It's incredible, isn't it, the difference between reading about something, seeing it in the pictures, and experiencing it?" I asked. This was an amazing feeling, being in love with someone.

"Very different," Bella agreed. "More forceful than I'd imagined."

"For example, the emotion of jealousy. I've read about it a hundred thousand times, seen actors portray it in a thousand different plays and movies. I believed I understood that one pretty clearly. But it shocked me..." I grimaced, remembering how angry I felt when Charlie mentioned Mike Newton, but now I had realised it wasn't anger, it was jealously. "Do you remember that day that Mike asked you to the dance?"

She nodded.

"The day you started talking to me again."

"I was surprised by the flare of resentment, almost fury, that I felt - I didn't recognize what it was at first. I was even more aggravated than usual that I couldn't know what you were thinking, why you refused him. Was it simply for your friend's sake? Was there someone else? I knew I had no right to care either way. I tried not to care.

"And then the line started forming," I chuckled. She scowled at me.

"I waited, unreasonably anxious to hear what you would say to them, to watch your expressions. I couldn't dent the relief I felt, watching the annoyance on your face. But I couldn't be sure.

"That was the first night I came here. I wrestled all night, while watching you sleep, with the chasm between what I know was right, moral, ethical, and what I wanted. I new that if I continued to ignore you as I should, or if I left for a few years, till you were gone, that someday you would say yes to Mike, or someone like him. It made me angry.

"And then," I spoke whispering, "as you were sleeping, you said my name. You spoke so clearly, at first I thought you'd woken. But you rolled over restlessly and mumbled my name once more, and sighed. The feeling that coursed though me then was unnerving, staggering. And I knew I couldn't ignore you any longer." I went silent, listening to the sound of Bella's heart, pound, unevenly.

"But jealousy... it's a strange thing. So much more powerful then I would have thought. And irrational! Just now, when Charlie asked you about that vile Mike Newton..." I shook my head, angrily, for the fact that I have to listen to his horrible, dirty thoughts!

"I should have known you'd be listening," She groaned.

"Of course."

"That made you feel jealous, though, really?"

"I'm new at this; you're resurrecting the human in me, and everything feels stronger because it's fresh."

"But honestly," she started in a teasing voice, "for that to bother you, after I have to hear that Rosalie - Rosalie, the incarnation of pure beauty, Rosalie - was meant for you. Emmett or no Emmett, how can I compare to that?"

"There's no competition." I got one of her still trapped hands and wound them around my back, holding Bella to my chest. She kept still, and tried to breathe normal.

"I know there's no competition," She mumbled into my skin. "That's the problem." I had to reassure her.

"Of course Rosalie is beautiful in her way, but even if she wasn't like a sister to me, even if Emmett didn't belong with her, she could never have one tenth, no, one hundredth of the attraction you hold of for me." I said, in a serious, thoughtful voice. "For almost ninety years I've walked among my kind and yours... all the time thinking I was complete in myself, not realizing what I was seeking. And not finding anything, because you weren't alive yet."

"It hardly seems fair," Bella whispered, "I haven't had to wait at all. Why should I get off so easily?"

"You're right; I should make this harder for you, definitely." I agreed with amusement, freeing one of her wrists, to gather into my other hand. I stroked her damp hair back, down to her waist.

"You only have to risk your life every second you spend with me, that's surely not much. You only have to turn your back on nature, on humanity... what's that worth?" I said.

She really needed to understand what she risked with being with me, so she would know that it isn't safe, and it isn't right.

"Very little - I don't fell deprived of anything."

"Not yet." I said, my voice full of ancient grief, because Bella didn't understand that it could get too much for me one day, and I could kill her and she probably wouldn't even realize. But hopefully before that happened she would leave me, or want someone to give her things, that I can't. I would never stop her if she tried to leave, and I would always give her a choice, with everything we did together.

I hadn't realized she was trying to pull back, until she said, "What-" I'll check on her know, make sure she hasn't tried to leave. Charlie thought, suddenly, coming into the hall. I'd totally forgot to even listen to his thoughts. I became alert, and let go off Bella. I went into her wardrobe, and hissed "Lie down!"

Bella rolled under her quilt, and the door cracked open. Bella was exaggerating her breathing, it sounded nothing like her usual slumber sound.

Half a minute had passed, and I was still hiding in her closet, Charlie had stalked out shutting the door so quietly, I struggled to hear it. He got back down stairs, slowly, and I got out silently, putting my arms around Bella under the covers, with my lips next to her ear. It felt wonderful, to be even close to her, closer than we've ever been. With the warmth radiating of her skin, and her heart pounding from our closeness.

"You are a terrible actress - I'd say that career path is out for you." I whispered into her ear.

"Darn it," Bella muttered. Her heart still pounding, it sounded amazing, like music.

I hummed Bella's lullaby, she wouldn't know the tune, but it felt right to do it. I paused, thinking, Bella needs sleep and rest, and so I decided to ask her, "Should I sing you to sleep?"

"Right," She laughed. "Like I could sleep with you here!" It was weird when Bella said this; I'm here all the time while she's asleep.

"You do it all the time," I reminded her.

"But I didn't know you were here," Bella replied icily.

"So if you don't want to sleep..." I suggested, ignoring her tone. Bella's breath caught.

"If I don't want to sleep," As if I could anyway, I chuckled. "What do you want to do then?"

She didn't answer strait away.

"I'm not sure," Bella finally answered.

"Tell me when you decide."

I started sliding my nose along her jaw line, inhaling her sweet smell.

"I thought you were desensitized." She said.

"Just because I'm resisting the wine doesn't mean I can't appreciate the bouquet," I whispered. "You have a very floral smell, like lavender... or freesia," I note. "It's mouth-watering." And life threatening, I added in my thoughts, unhappily.

"Yeah, it's an off day when I don't get somebody telling me how edible I smell." And my unhappy thoughts flew out my head, and I chuckled at Bella's sarcasm. I sighed after.

"I've decided what I want to do; I want to hear more about you."

"Ask me anything."

She thought quickly and said "Why do you do it? I still don't understand how you can work so hard to resist what you... are. Please don't misunderstand; of course I'm glad you do. I just don't see why you would bother in the first place."

I hesitated before I answered, I didn't want to be a killing machine, why would Bella ask, but she wasn't the first.

"That's a good question," I said after thinking it thought quickly, "and you are not the first to ask it. The others - the majority wonder at how we live. But you see, just because we've been... dealt a certain hand... it doesn't mean that we can't choose to rise above - to conquer the boundaries of a destiny that none of us wanted. To try to retain whatever essential humanity we can."

She lay unmoving, her breath coming normal, and heart beat. Sounded like she was asleep.

"Did you fall asleep?" I whispered after a few minutes, she must've been bored.

"No."

"Is that all your curious about?" I asked.

"Not quite."

"What else do you want to know?"

"Why can you read minds - why only you? And Alice, seeing the future... Why does that happen?"

I shrugged. "We don't really know. Carlisle has a theory... he believes that we all bring something of our strongest human traits with us into the next life, where they are intensified - like our minds, and our senses. He thinks I must have already been very sensitive to the thoughts of those around me. And that Alice had some precognition, wherever she was."

"What did he bring into his next life, and the others?" She asked.

"Carlisle brought his compassion. Esme brought her ability to love passionately. Emmett brought his strength, Rosalie her... tenacity. Or you could call it pigheadedness," I chuckled. "Jasper is very interesting. He was quite charismatic in his first life, able to influence those around him to see things his way. Now he is able to manipulate the emotions of those around him - calm down a room of angry people, for example, or excite a lethargic crowd, conversely. It's a very subtle gift."

I waited, letting Bella take it all in. She didn't seam scared, or even surprised.

"So where did it all start? I mean, Carlisle changed you, and then someone must have changed him, and so on..."

I didn't know the answer to this, neither did Carlisle. I told her what Carlisle had said to us. "Well, where did you come from? Evolution? Creation? Couldn't we have evolved in the same way as other species, predator or prey? Or, if you don't believe that this entire world could have just happened on its own, which is hard for me to accept myself, is it so hard to believe that the same force that created the delicate angelfish with the shark, the baby seal and the killer whale, could create both out kinds together?" I did find it difficult to believe this, I believed there was an after life for those people, like Bella, who had a soul, not those, like me, who were soulless and didn't deserve and after life, because of who we were.

"Let me get this straight - I'm the baby seal right?"

"Right." I laughed, my mood instantly lifted. I kissed Bella on the back of the head, wishing she was facing me, but I would settle for her hair.

"Are you ready to sleep?" I asked. "Or do you have any more questions?"

"Only a million or two."

"We have tomorrow, and the next day, and the next..." I reminded her. I smiled; glad I had time to spend with Bella.

"Are you sure you won't vanish in the morning? You are mythical, after all."

"I won't leave you." I promised, I didn't want to anyway. I enjoyed Bella's company more than I should.

"One more, then, tonight…" Bella suddenly went warm, obviously blushing from a thought.

"What is it?" I asked, really curious.

"No, forget it. I changed my mind."

"Bella, you can ask me anything." She didn't answer, and I groaned.

"I keep thinking it will get less frustrating, not hearing your thoughts. But it just keeps getting worse and worse."

"I'm glad you can't hear my thoughts. It's bad enough that you eavesdrop on my sleep-talking."

"Please?" I tried to make my voice persuasive. But she shook her head.

"If you don't tell me, I'll just assume it's something much worse then it is," I threatened. "Please?" I tried again, pleading.

"Well,"

"Yes?"

"You said that Rosalie and Emmett will get married soon…. Is that… marriage… the same as it is for humans?" Bella asked embarrassed.

I laughed, understanding. "Is that what you're getting at?"

Bella fidgeted, not answering.

"Yes, I suppose it is much the same, I told you, most of those human desires are there, just hidden behind more powerful desires."

"Oh," was all she said.

"Was there a purpose behind your curiosity?" I asked, wondering why she was so embarrassed about it.

"Well, I did wonder… about you and me… someday…"

I froze and became instantly serious.

I did wish Bella and I had this kind of potential, but I think, it would be too much, Bella and I being so close.

"I don't think that… that… would be possible for us."

"Because it would be too hard for you, if I were that… close?"

"That's certainly a problem. But that's not what I was thinking of. It's just that you are so soft, so fragile. I have to mind my actions ever moment that we're together so that I don't hurt you. I could kill you quite easily, Bella, simply by accident." I murmured softly and moved my palm to rest against her cheek. "If I was too hasty… if for one second I wasn't paying enough attention, I could reach out, meaning to touch your face, and crush your skull by mistake. You don't realize how incredibly breakable you are. I can never, never afford to lose any kind of control when I'm with you."

I waited for Bella to respond, but when she didn't I grew anxious. Had I scared her?

"Are you scared?" I asked.

"No. I'm fine."

I deliberated for a moment. "I'm curious now, thought, have you ever…?" I trailed of suggestively.

"Of course not." Bella flushed. "I told you I've never felt this way about anyone before, not even close."

"I know. It's just I know people's thoughts. I know that love and lust don't always keep the same company." I said. And for Mike they defiantly didn't.

"They do for me. Now, anyway that they exist for me at all," she sighed.

"That's nice. We have one think in common, at lease." I said satisfied.

"Your human instincts…" Bella began and I waited. "Well, do you find me attractive, in that way, at all?"

I laughed, lightly into Bella's nearly-dry hair.

"I may not be human, but I am a man," I assured her.

Bella yawned then, and I decided it was time for her to sleep.

"I've answered all your questions, now you should sleep," I insisted.

"I'm not sure if I can."

"Do you want me to leave?" And then come back when you're asleep? I added in my thoughts.

"No!" Bella said to loudly, luckily Charlie didn't hear.

I laughed, and began to hum Bella's lullaby again into her ear.

Before I knew it she was asleep, and I stayed put, still quietly humming her lullaby, perfectly content. I was just happy that, finally, I could be close to Bella.


End file.
